Highlights from last week!

So I have to make this post quick b/c the day is starting and i've got places to go and people to see...

Two big events happened last week!

1) Addisyn was dedicated to Jesus last Sunday! It was an amazing time when Eric and I were able to commit her life to Jesus, realizing that she is His and not ours, and publicly ask God (and the church) for help in raising her to be a young woman after His heart. It was awesome! Also, we were very thankful to get to dedicate Addi along with the Dameron family and Lilyana. Allison and I had been wanting to dedicate the girls together from the very beginning of our pregnancies and so this was kinda one of those "Thank ya Jesus we made it" moments!

2) I had a new niece born! Julia Lane Feyer (born to Eric's brother Chad and his wife Amy) was born on 11/12/09 and she weighed 8lbs 7oz! I got to be there at the hospital for her birth, which was really special, since I was also there for Olivia's birth (my other niece). When Olivia was born Eric and I were only dating, so it was cool to be at Julia's birth now that Eric and I are married and have our own baby girl! Plus it's so fun that Addi and Julia are going to be so close in age! Isn't the picture of Eric, Chad and the girls cute?!!

What an amazing God we serve!

So, Allison and I talk about blogging pretty often and one thing we agree on is that we would like our blogs to be practical and real, but also with a little spiritual revelation. Basically, some posts are just about nonsense, but every now and then we both like to throw in a lil nugget of truth.

Now, let me tell ya...the "nuggets of truth" do not come around as often as I may like. =) With being a stay at home mom and working two days a week, it is much easier to blog about poop blow outs, drama at work, or Addisyn's latest milestone than a "blog worthy" spiritual thought.

In my quiet time lately I have been eating up some Romans, though. Romans is one of those books that we LOOOOVVEE when we first get saved, but it's also great to revisit frequently because it is full of so much of the "meat" of salvation and our Christian life!

(**PAUSE**...give Addisyn the paci)

(**PAUSE AGAIN**...get Addi out of the swing and lay her on the floor in front of the TV...is it bad that my 3 month old watches TV?!)

Anyways... I came across this verse "What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!..." Romans 3:3-4

I love this verse!!! I mean, I really really really try to live a lifestyle of faith. I CHOOSE to believe that God is bigger and is always in control in ALL situations. But sometimes, when the rubber meets the road, you do wonder if your faith is just all talk! When we sat in the doctors office and were told that Eric may have cancer, my mind ran wild! My mouth was saying "God knows the plans for our lives and He is in control" but, my mind was going "I can't do this...I'm too young for this...What if become a widow at 23?...What if Eric and I aren't guaranteed a lifetime together?...What if he isn't here to walk Addisyn down the aisle at her wedding or sit next to me at her highschool graduation?" I mean, I'm just being honest...those were my "dark moment" thoughts.

I remember calling Allison and saying "I talk about having faith, but now I don't know if I can really do it...this is hard!" But the beauty of it all is that God's faithfulness was not phased by my doubts and lack of faith!

And you know what? We made it! God was so faithful and we ended up with a good report for Eric!! I love the fact that God doesn't need me! God's faithfulness doesn't rely on my faith...His strength does not rely on my being strong! He is strong when I am weak!!! What an amazing God we serve!

" I know the plans that I have for You"

So Tuesday at 11 was Eric's appointment... They told us to be there no later than 10:30am! Well, trying to get from our house to Duke by 10:30, with an infant, was not something I was looking forward to. Our day started at about 6:15. Avoiding the full story of the rushing, stress, etc....let's just say we made it.

First of all, I need to make mention of the fact that Duke Medical Center is insane! It's on a whole 'nother level as far as hospitals go. That place had like 14 parking decks, 40 million elevators, too many different floors and wings, but they had it so well laid out (with excellent signs and maps) that you never felt lost or disoriented. We were walking around with our mouths hanging open like tourists....it was impressive!

Eric was sent to the Morris Cancer Clinic to see Dr. Shalini Ramasunder. It was kinda discouraging to be sent to the Cancer ward, but we just tried to ignore it. Once we got in there though, it was a hard fact to ignore. The place was huge!! (Probably 75 people in the waiting room!) And everywhere you looked people looked downcast, many women were walking around with scarfs on there heads and sunken eyes from a recent chemo treatment. It was a very heavy atmosphere. I was glad that I had Addisyn because she kinda was a bright spot for everyone in there. I almost cried though when one woman came up to me and said "Tell me you aren't here for her...tell me she's healthy and doesn't have cancer." Intense stuff...

So after almost two hours of waiting (not easy with a 3 month old)...we got in to see the doctor. Now, Eric and I had developed a picture in our mind of what we thought Dr. Ramasunder would be like. Our opinion included her probably being a nerd and more than likely not speaking English. We were wrong. She spoke English probably better than I do and she was not a nerd at all! She was super down to earth and even kept us laughing. All I could think to myself was "she should be on Grey's Anatomy because she's super cute and funny, but I bet she is a beast of a surgeon" (I mean, you don't get to be an orthopaedic surgeon at Duke without being amazing).

Anyways, she felt Eric's foot and looked at the MRI and "deliberated" with her residents that she was training (again, very Grey's Anatomyish). When she came back into the room, she told us that she couldn't feel a distinct mass in his foot. Usually if it's a synovial sarcoma (cancer) she can feel the tumor. Also after looking at the MRI, she didn't think it looked like a sarcoma either. (I know that doesn't sound very convincing, but she gave a lot more reasons I just can't remember them.)

So the good news is that it doesn't look like Eric's tumor is cancer! Praise God! Instead, she says its a type of vascular tumor called a hemangioma, which is basically a clump of blood vessels in a place where they shouldn't be, surrounded by a layer of fat. This was her diagnosis, but she is also going to consult with the radiology team at Duke and let us know for sure in the next few days. The other good news is that she doesn't think she needs to operate (or more like she doesn't think she CAN operate...so much for her career on Grey's). She said that in order for her to be able to take out the mass, she would need to know what she was taking out. If she opened up his foot, she said that the hemangioma, because it is just blood vessels, would look very much like everything else in his foot. She doesn't want Eric to have to go through major foot surgery if she isn't sure that she can take out the mass (and if it's not malignant...she doesn't feel the urgency either).

I think that's great for right now because surgery on the bottom of your foot is a HUGE deal to recover from. Eric is pleased and relieved but also a little bummed because he's still in a lot of pain. Once were done with the cancer/surgery drama of it all...he will be seeing another doctor for options on how to manage the pain.

All in all...I am so thankful! God is so amazing. When you sit in a doctor's office at 23 years old and they tell you that it's a possibility that your husband may have cancer...it's not a fun feeling. I don't even need to write all the things that went through my mind...i'm sure anyone can guess. But I worked hard to fight the devil and take those thoughts captive! And to constantly stand on the fact that my God is big and His plans for my life are for welfare and not for calamity!! Thank you Jesus for seeing us through!

He is still on the throne!

Okay, so I just finished my post about my sweets problem=)

But there is something else on my mind...

For as long as I can remember, Eric has had foot pain. He's not a complainer, so other than a mention of it here or there we didn't really pay much attention to it. We both wrote it off as him being out of shape, wearing the wrong shoes and maybe even an old sports injury. It had been "diagnosed" as plantar fasciitis...so we just assumed that was it.

Then in the past few months, he started having pain in his hip and lower back... And it got worse. A few times he would fall out of bed in the morning because his entire left leg would be numb! This was not cool.

He started out going to a chiropractor, since the back pain was the most annoying. The chiropractor took x-rays and told him that two of his vertebrae at the bottom of his spine were touching and pinching his sciatic nerve. Eric got many many adjustments there, but the pain didn't really go away.

I encouraged him to go to a basic family doctor for a physical, and so he could download about his pain and get a fresh perspective. He went to the doctor and Eric was told again that his foot problem sounded like basic fasciitis, but since he'd been having foot pain for so long (8ish years) the doctor wanted him to see a podiatrist ("foot doctor") for confirmation.

The podiatrist took some x-rays of his foot and immediately ruled out fasciitis since the longest case he's ever heard of lasted only about 15 months. The x-rays immediately showed some sort of weird "bone growth" type thing on his heel bone. Nothing to be concerned about...they can do a quick and easy surgery to fix it, no problem. But the doctor did think it was weird that it was causing him so much pain because these types of things rarely do.... so he ordered an MRI for a better look. And then Eric was called back for another MRI a few days later.

I went with Eric to the follow up appointment to get the results of the MRI. Why was I there? Because I wanted to make sure that we would be able to schedule this "simple" surgery at a good time that would work well around my petty schedule. The news we received was not quite what we planned.

The doctor said that the "irony" of it was that the thing they originally saw on the x-ray was nothing, but that there is a "soft tissue mass with blood flow to it" on the bottom of Eric's foot. He showed us the tumor on the MRI and I immediately began to hate that white blob. The doctor told us about 6 different possibilities of what it could be. In my limited medical understanding (which consists of what i've learned from Grey's Anatomy), I just heard "cancer or not cancer."

Blah Blah Blah...the doctor talked some more and the long and short of it is that Eric has now been referred to Duke to see an orthopedic oncologist. I was so thankful and appreciative for our doctors humility in telling us that Eric needed to see the "best" for this kind of tumor and he wasn't it.

So that's about all we know right now. Tuesday at 11 am is Eric's appointment at Duke. Surgery is in the near future we are told...and it doesn't sound like an easy surgery! And then of course there will be biopsies and so on and so forth.

So anyways...Yes, it stresses me out! Yes, I get scared! I'm not sure how i'm going to take care of my husband after major foot surgery. I don't know how we're going to handle trips back and forth to Duke with Addisyn. I don't know what will happen, if we do find out it's cancer...but I can't worry about that! I have to focus on God's promises to me that are yes and amen! He will never leave me...He works all things together for our good! He loves me, my husband and my child more than I will ever be able to comprehend!!!!

"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul." Ps. 94:19

Step One is Admitting You Have a Problem

Okay, starting off, this is completely unrelated to my post but my husband is watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Cartoon Network as I type this...he's got weird taste in TV sometimes.

Moving on...

I have a problem. A major problem. A sugar problem!!!! I'm not talking about the occasional "oh I need chocolate because i'm a woman" problem... I'm talking about the CONSTANT craving of cookies, brownies, ice cream, candy, cookie dough, and a combination of all!!! (yum) Seriously, I took a spoon to some cookie dough this morning at 7am! Also, sometimes I decide to just skip lunch and help myself to a sundae from sonic instead...out of control! I blame it on nursing, but I think i've just gotten my taste buds addicted to sugar!

My problem recently is due to 2 factors I've decided:

1) I'm an adult now. I do the grocery shopping. I buy too many sweets if they look good to me. I eat ice cream for lunch instead of a balanced meal. Oh mother, how I wish you were here to grocery shop for "healthy snacks" like carrot sticks and dried apricots! Oh self control, please take the place of my mother when it comes to my diet!

2) This dang Halloween! I mean you have to buy "Treats" for the trick or treaters...enough said.

Anyways, i've got to do something to change. I mean the cravings are crazy and I don't feel good with all the sugar...

Which leads me to my second (although related) topic... I need to get in better shape and hopefully lose a few pounds. Now, I'm gonna go ahead and say it, If you are thinking "Oh my gosh Anne Michelle you're already so skinny, I hate you!" or "Your baby weight just dropped off, I hate you" or "You have it so easy, I hate you!" then just stop reading.

Those are comments that I get a lot and just to clear things up: 1) No, I do not think I am fat 2) No, i'm not anorexic 3) No, I'm not fishing for a compliment.

I just think that my sugar problem is a smaller component of an overall snacking problem...And every girl no matter if she's 100 lbs or 200 lbs has an "ideal" weight where she feels great...and I feel like i'm a few pounds heavier than that ideal weight.

My plan is quite simple now really...take time for a lil exercise and quit the snacking! I eat out of bordem and it's a terrible habit!

That's about it I guess... I wish I could leave you with some pictures, but i'm too lazy to go get my camera and upload them (so much for motivation to exercise)!